Apple Sues Elderly Chinese Woman

Beijing, China - A lawsuit is currently underway that has most folks scratching their heads... and ears. Apple Computers, creator of the ever popular iPod personal mp3 player, is suing a 78 year old Chinese woman under the premise that her name "defames the iPod brand."

Iy Paad Suk (pronounced I Pod Suck), was flabbergasted when she received the cease and desist order from Apple. Speaking through a translator she said, "My lawyer says I need to change my name or face a lawsuit of $2.5 million dollars. I've had this name for 52 years! Ever since I got married!"

"Apple has worked too hard to build the iPod brand." says Apple spokesman Don Billings. "They can't afford to have this woman blatantly tearing that brand down every time she says her name!" Billings says he feels that Apple has been more than fair to Suk. "We offered her the chance to keep her first and middle name, and just change her last name." Billngs says. "We even offered to pay her royalties if she would change her last name to 'Rok' (rock) or 'Kul' (cool) which are both popular last names in China.

But Suk isn't budging. "My last name signifies my marriage to my dear husband Hei Yoo. He passed away 6 years ago and my name is my way of remembering and honoring him."

"Downright ludicrous and immature!" replies Billings to Suk's statement about honoring her dead husband. "She needs to get with the program! She will either come away from this as a well-paid spokesperson for Apple, or flat broke!"

As if the story couldn't be any more ironic, Suk (seen above) is actually an iPod owner. "I take it where ever I go." she says. "It's so nice to listen to my Justin Timberlake and 50 cent on the subway and walking through town."

A court hearing date has been set for September 22nd, but Billings is confident the matter will be resolved out of court.