so THAT'S how you do it!!!

Next time someone asks you how to take a screen shot...

"We're on our break."

So if you're on your lunch break are you going to come open our fridge and take some of our food? Get your own damn foosball table. (read the story below for explanation)

AWKWARD

Just minutes ago I was in the restroom. Suddenly I hear someone rattling on the door handle. Then I hear a knock knock. I say out loud "yes?". No response.

Who knocks? I ask myself? I mean if the door is locked, who knocks?

As I left the bathroom, I noticed that the door to the warehouse was open. This warehouse is home to our foosball table. I could hear voices at the table. Now it all made sense. We were about to play a game of foos and the brethren had come knocking at the door to get me to hurry up.

As I walked into the warehouse I yelled out "who knocks?!?"

Silence.

3 guys who do not work for our company are standing there. Two of them are shaking the table. The other is staring at me. "We're uh.. on our break" one of them says as the other 2 reach their fingers into the table to try to find the ball. "Looking for the ball?" I ask.

They were obviously embarassed to be busted as they immediatley got busy moving cube pieces around as they should have been in the first place. The "who knocks?" question probably confused them even more.

This may be a missing piece in the mystery of who has been playing foos with a golf ball. Every so often we'll find a golf ball on the table. Golf balls are not meant to be used on foos ball tables. They are too hard and could warp the table or damage the tiny men's feet.

I still don't know who knocked on the bathroom door. Alas another mystery at Access Development Inc.

Insert a catheter and you're good to go

NEVER LEAVE YOUR COMPUTER AGAIN!



Order Yours Today!

Dmode's Day

Won't you join me and this girl in wishing Dmode a happy birthday!

With a capital "F"

Want to see something funny?

Do a Google "I'm feeling lucky" search for failure. Come on... I dare you.

It's a boy!

All of you know what a big Brittney fan I am. Won't you join me in wishing her and little Preston a happy day?

http://www.britneyspears.com/baby-message.php

I let her know that even when her boyfriend (husband?) leaves her for a younger hotter thinner chick like he did to his last wife and 2 kids, she'll still be TOPS in my book.

2-D

"The new Delta.com. We like to call it a 2-dimensional paradise!"

Their hold music seriously has a guy that comes on and says that...

Backlash against "Katrina"

Reuters - As the southern states continue to battle the devastating effects of hurricane Katrina, other Katrina stories are developing in Appleton, Wisconsin and in other states across the country.

Katrina Burton, an Appleton resident, says she has been the victim of a "backlash against the name Katrina". "It started with threatening phone calls," Burton says "and then it got worse." Thursday night, Burton's home in the suburbs of Appleton was burned to the ground. "When I called the fire department, they hung up on me" Burton claims. Local authorities had no comment.

Similar stories are pouring in from all over the country. Katrina Stockton, a bankteller from Atlanta Georgia, was pulled into her manager's office when she returned to work Tuesday after the Labor Day holiday weekend. "I was told I no longer was employed by the bank." she said angrily. "They were receiving complaints from customers I had helped." "That name is bringing up painful feelings." says another employee at the bank where Stockton worked. "I feel bad for Katrina, she is a great worker, but I understand the decision of the bank. It's kind of a lose-lose situation."

Socialogist Burt Heinenbergher says this type of behavior is unfortunate, but not unexpected. "Remember, if you will," says Heinenbergher "the hate crimes that were enacted upon the Muslim society after the events of 9/11. This is not so different from those atrocities."

At the Houston Astrodome, one volunteer has even changed the name on her name tag from Katrina to Debby . "I was getting weird looks mostly." Katrina Harris says "I did have trash thrown at me a few times and one older lady just looked at me and screamed that I took her baby." When asked if she would change her name permanently, she said she had considered it, and will make a decision soon.

Prize winning pig

So when I got back from lunch today, some friends had hung a "congratulations" sign above my desk. Naturally people started to ask what it was for as they walked by. I decided to make something up. "I won the blue ribbon for my pig in the state fair." Amazingly everyone I talked to believed me. So then I decided to take the joke a little farther. I photoshopped a picture of me with the pig:



We then posted a congratulatory message on the company intranet site that displayed the photo and this message:

Congratulations to Jesse whose pig "Bacon Bits"” won Grand Champion at the State Fair in the Salt Lake County Yearling division!

When people ask what I am going to do with the pig now, I say "eat him".

I is one of thems

You know how people put those big stickers on their car advertising companies or MLM scams that they are a part of? Today I saw one. It was just the web address:

www.Ima.brightwomen.com

I'm a bright women. Is thems am themmers one.

Pessamists

Whenever I install a program I get my feelings hurt when they just assume that I won't accept their licensing agreements. The "I don't accept" radio button is always checked. Why are they judging me? They don't even know me. I am a very accepting person. Give me a chance guys come on.

Brian Pyper's favorite car

Once as a kid we were hanging out and talking about the kinds of things kids talk about. "What's your favorite car?" one tot chimed out. What followed was a list of the usual suspects, "Ferrari, Lamborghini, Porsche, etc. etc." When it was Brian Pyper's turn, he replied "AMC Eagle". We were speechless. For those who forgot what the Eagle looked like, here it is in all its glory. This one's for you BP:

Half day

Today was a half day at work so I am only posting half a bl

Fly by president

"As we flew here today, I also asked the pilot to fly over the Gulf Coast region so I could see firsthand the scope and magnitude of the devastation."

Wow- what a guy. If that were me I'd be embarassed to admit that. But he seems to think it was quite heroic of him. Take that 1 more day of vacation and then fly by in your private jet and peak out the window. By the way- you can't usually see something first hand from a mile above it.

On another note- I read that some people used a forklift to break into a pharmacy and steal food. 10 year old Kevin Clark said "I slept on the ground last night. I don't have anything to eat. The last time I ate was Monday." I understand that the police need to keep order, which would be a very difficult task. But there are starving kids out there. Open the pharmacy and grocery stores yourself and get these kids some food. The rioting never would have reached this peak in the first place. Desperate times call for desperate measures.