Freegans

I had heard the term "Freegan" but didn't know it was such a large movement. Pretty interesting stuff here folks. For those clueless readers a freegan is someone who attempts to live entirely off the waste of others. They get their clothes, food, etc from dumpsters, live in cars, and don't have jobs.

It's a pretty powerful statement, but the name Freegan is misleading since they are not all vegans. I've come up with a few names they could use instead that are more true to the movement:

• Pearasites

• Salmonella Fellas

• Plumpsters

• Freeks

• Grabage

• Wastenauts

• Dinerrhea

• Trashed Potatoes

• McDoneald's

• And last but not least... Homeless

More about Freegans >>

Welcome to 1709 - The Phantom Time Hypothesis

Yeah that's right. Ever stop to think that maybe this isn't the year 2006? Dr. Hans-Ulrich Niemitz did. When you've got some time read this article. Pretty interesting.

Bank Drive-thrus

I helped you out a few weeks ago with my Home Depot Personality Quiz. Now here's more advice on one the monotonous daily tasks we all have to undertake.

Have you ever been overwhelmed as you approach the bank drive-thru? All those lanes to choose from, and if you are like me, you always seem to pick the slowest lane.

Until Now!

I have devised a simple method for picking the fastest lane at the drive-thru. This method is easy to do and has been tested with a 95% success rate. And here it is:

As you pull up to the lanes (assuming the lines are all the same length), take a glance at all the cars directly in front of you. Think to yourself, if you could have any of these cars at no cost, which would you choose? Then pull behind that car. It seems so simple. Yet it works time after time.

I have a theory as to why it works, but it's kind of degrading and will have to be the subject of another blog. For now- try it out. Good luck to you!

Rock it up

The other day my 5 year old daughter Shelly was singing a song as we drove to my wife's parents' house. Rolf, my 3 year old son gets very annoyed when people sing in the car, and this day was no exception. Suddenly he yelled out, "Shelly! Rock it!" "What does that mean Rolf?" my wife asked." It means shut up but it isn't a potty word." he replied. Then he yelled, "Rock it up Shelly! Just Rock it."

I've got a feeling he is going to be a sneaky lad as he gets older...

Mow Mow Mow the lawn

In the neighborhood where I grew up there was this cool handicapped guy named Kenny. He was a lawn mowing fanatic and could often be heard muttering to himself, "gotta mow mow mow the lawn. gotta get the front side. got gotta get the backside. Get the parking".

Kenny had a small rusty push mower and was often seen out in his front yard mow mow mowing the lawn. You know- getting the front side. Getting the back side. Getting the parking.

But one day Kenny was no where to be found.You can imagine how worried his mom and dad were as they checked all over the neighborhood for him.

Then- someone noticed a clue.

One line of cut lawn going across all the yards all the way up the street.

After following the trail for nearly 5 miles, Kenny was located. He had worked his way up to the University of Utah.

My guess is he was headed for the stadium. That is some primo mow mow mow the lawn grass.

Radio Tornadostream Beta Test

If any of you have coveted the myblogtunes player that I have on my site, we are now offering a beta program. It's free. And cool. Check it out:

myBlogTunes online radio

If you have any questions let me know. Also- for more details check out dmode's blog.

Fluorescent Lights

Who came up with fluorescent lights? What conversation went on in the creation of these lights?

Designer 1: "We need a light that shows blemishes and faults in anything that is under it."

Designer 2: "It should make the fittest, tannest person look pasty and fat"

Designer 1: "And should give you a headache if you are under it for to long."

Manager: "Also- what if it had a very awkward shaped and sized bulb?"

Designer 1: "Yeah yeah! Let's make it two bulbs, and to put them into the light socket you have fit two tiny pins into a slot and twist it just right."

Designer 2: "Could we give it a slight hum? Quiet enough that you don't notice it but just loud enough to be annoying."

Manager: "Well I think we have a winning idea here gentlemen. The only thing that could make this light better would be if it could explode on the slightest contact and shoot glass shards and strange toxic powder everywhere."

Designers 1 and 2: "Done and done!"

I had to say it

When I was a lad of maybe 7 years of age, I went to the Shop'N'Go with my mother. Yes the same Shop'N'Go that would accuse me of being a thief years later.

I stayed out in the car while my mom went in. Suddenly I saw the fattest person I had ever seen walk up the street and sit at the bus stop near the store. I can still see this person in my head. I could not tell if it was a man or a woman since there were no distinguishable body features. The person had short black hair and glasses and was wearing a "mailman denim" blue sweatsuit, and a dark blue parka.

As a 7-year-old I was stunned by the sheer girth of this individual. My young mind did not know how to comprehend this new puzzle. Then I felt my mouth start to speak. I tried to stop it but there was no way to control it. I HAD to say "that person is SO fat." And it had to be out loud. Thinking it to myself would not suffice. It was an involuntary spasm of the tongue. I had no choice but to comply.

Luckily I had the sense to duck out of view so that the person could not read my lips. I bent over and said aloud, "That person is SO fat!".

Then I slowly peaked back up and out the window.

To my horror, the person was staring right at me. Smiling. I did not know what to do. Next the person pointed at itself and shook his/her head. Then pointed at me and nodded.

To this day I have no idea what the person was doing, or what s/he though I was doing bending over in the car and peaking back up. In my head at the time I thought s/he was saying "I'm not fat, you are".

I guess it's always a possibility that the window was open.

Song of the Week (SOTW) - "Artistic License" by The Starting Line

This is a new idea my pal Dmode had. Every week I'm going to feature a song using the new Radio Tornadostream myblogtunes player. If you are interested in using myblogtunes on your own blog, visit their web site. They are starting up a beta program soon.

This week's SOTW is "Artistic License" by The Starting Line. This comes from the CD "Based on a True Story". This is a CD that I got a while back, but that turned me off for some reason. There were a few slow cheesy songs, etc. So I picked it up the other day and decided to give it another try. Great CD. To take a listen, choose "SOTW" from the "select a station" drop down on the myblogtunes player (in the left hand column).

Cheers!

Visiting Cottonwood Idaho?

I'm sure your trip will already be filled with excitement, adventure and fun. And now, thanks to Blogdor you can also stay in a two story beagle!

The Dog Bark Park Inn is your chance to fulfill the dream you've always had of living inside a giant animal. Just follow the stairs up the backside and into a hole new experience in travel accomodations!

Dennis and Frances Sullivan, 2 professional chainsaw artists, had their big break when their chainsawed dogs were sold on QVC. "We did nothing but carve wooden dogs for 18 months". They then very wisely put ALL the money they had earned into building the Dog Bark Park Inn. Very logical choice, and one that has proven to be fruitful I am sure.

You can also check out their artwork here.

Make your reservations today!

May Redbox Codes

Here they are folks. The redbox codes for May:

May 1 thru 4: LAST

May 7 thru 11: BIG

May 14 thru 18: CALL

May 21 thru 25: CHEAP

Your mom goes to college

My mom is somewhat of a celebrity around here. She's been in a few movies, tons of commercials, and even Rescue 911 (one of Shatner's first comeback gigs).

Apparently she is in a very special radio commercial right now that she was hoping no one would find out about.

It's for sex cream.

Yeah, my mom is in a sex commercial. This cream supposedly makes sex better for women (does it have money in it?). She was reluctant to take the job, but was assured the ad would only run on an AM radio station during a particular show (probably Dr. Laura or something).

So then she started getting calls about it. It turns out it's playing all over the FM dial. Last week she received the dreaded call from her own mother, "Honey- I heard your radio commercial."

She assured me (and her mom) that it was done at KSL studios and isn't in poor taste at all. That's fine, but I guess it's time to come to terms with the fact that all of our parents have actually... done it.